Who is Miss Abigail?

Abigail Grotke
Takoma Park, MD
email: missabigail at missabigail dot com
twitter: @DearMissAbigail

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Miss Abigail has a collection of over 1,000 classic advice books, spanning from 1822 to 1978 and covering a variety of topics, from love and romance to etiquette and charm. The collection sparked the idea for this site, then a book, Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating, and Marriage, which has inspired an off-broadway production of the same name!

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Archive for September, 2010

Your Vote is Important ~ to You

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

taking care of your countryAttention class! It’s time to vote. I know you’d rather do other things, like watch TV or surf the Internet, but this is important. So let’s take a quick trip back in time to the 1950′s, with an excerpt from Irene McDermott’s Living for Young Moderns. Though the exact numbers are a bit different than they are today, I think we can all agree that times haven’t changed a whole lot when it comes to voter turnout. Gosh bless America, everyone!

1956: Your Vote is Important ~ to You

There are approximately 98,377,000 people in the United States who are eligible to vote. This includes all those who are twenty-one years or more of age, plus the eighteen-, nineteen-, and twenty-year-olds in Georgia and Kentucky where young people are allowed to vote at the age of eighteen. In the 1952 Presidential election only 61,680,000 went to the polls and cast their ballots. This is only about sixty-three per cent of all the people who could have voted if they had wished to do so.

These figures may seem dull to you until you realize that there are some thirty-six and one-half million citizens in the United States who apparently do not take very seriously their responsibilities of citizenship. More than one-third of the eligible voters did not vote in the 1952 election. Of course illness and absence from home would account for some voters not getting to the polls, but not for such a huge number.

A cynical comment on this situation was made in a feature column of the Pittsburgh Post-Gaxette, where democracy was defined as ‘a system under which a man who doesn’t vote spends his time criticizing the candidates other men have elected.’ This so-called definition states an unpleasant truth about ‘We, the people’ who have inherited the right to govern our own country.

It is not amazing that so many people care so little about the American way of life that they will not take the trouble to vote? What do you think would happen to our country if no one at all went to the polls? Do you know that in our past elections, especially in the elections for state and local offices, less than one-third of the people have case their ballots?

Why is it important to you as an individual to vote? Because it is one of the best ways in which you can do your share in taking care of your country.

Source: McDermott, Irene E. and Florence Nicholas. Living For Young Moderns. Chicago: J. B. Lippincott Company, 1956.
~ p. 321 ~

What is Finance?

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

we live in a chaotic worldEver the procrastinator, I’ve just now finished my taxes ~ April 14th at 10:00pm. During this traditionally painful event, I pondered why parents don’t just take care of their kids and do things like taxes and pay the bills throughout their lives. Wouldn’t it be great? Sigh.

Since that’ll never happen, I guess it’s about time I learn how to deal with my own financial life. Fortunately I’ve got a copy of Mabel Raef Putnam’s What Every Woman Should Know About Finance. Funny thing is, the book seems to have been originally owned by a gentleman named Stanley Love. Stan, honey, got some explaining to do?

1954: What is Finance?

Don’t let finance mystify you. Formidable it is until you understand it, and then it is fun. And undoubtedly it is the most fascinating study and work. This is what the dictionary says about it:

FINANCE, noun. The science of the profitable management of money and of monetary affairs; the systematic control and regulation of revenue and expenditures . . . funds on hand and coming in; the finances of an empire or an individual.
~ Funk and Wagnalls Standard Dictionary

A knowledge of finance, for you, then, means a knowledge of the profitable management of your money ~ whether by you, your government, or a corporation in which you have invested money. And this profitable management of your money means an advantageous expenditure of it, that is getting good value for it, whether by you or by an empire. Or stated another way, the profitable management of your money is dependent upon your knowledge of how best to expend it, or of how to buy wisely. Moreover, it means a systematic control and regulation of revenue and expenditure ~ a budget, so to speak, whether by you or your government, or any project in which you invest.

Anyway, considering that today we live in a chaotic world, many women, and men too, have concluded that the time has come when women must qualify themselves to assume equal control with men of the nation’s wealth. But the basis of this accomplishment is a thorough knowledge of finance.

No one can even remotely comprehend the operation of our economic system without a complete understanding of the nation’s financial operations. In fact, good citizenship requires a knowledge of our country’s financial system. For finance is the key, the basis, of our national economy upon which our government and every other institution must depend.

Source: Putnam, Mabel Raef. What Every Woman Should Know About Finance. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1954.
~ pp. 4-5 ~

Be Sure The Ice Is Strong

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

if you should meet with an accidentI can’t get skating out of my mind, thanks to recent news of drama and corruption on the ice. Here’s a little reminder to those who don’t have the comfort of a Zamboni-treated ice rink. It’s from an important text titled Everyday Safety, which was written by William A. Evans. Watch yourselves while skating on the pond out back!

1952: Be Sure The Ice Is Strong

Ice skating is a fine sport and is safe provided the ice is strong enough. If you live in the northern part of the United States, you will be able to skate most of the winter, but in the middle section or southern part of the country the winters are frequently so mild that ice skating is seldom safe.

Even if the ice is thick and strong, beware of holes that may be cut through it for fishing or for cutting ice. In streams where the water moves rapidly, the ice may be split in some places and yet there may be stretches of frozen water elsewhere.

If you should meet with an accident and fall into a hole in the ice, try to tread water and life as much of your body out of the hole as possible, spreading your arms wide over the ice so that your weight will be distributed. Taking hold of the edge of the ice may cause additional pieces of the ice to break off.

Source: Evans, William A. Everyday Safety. Chicago: Lyons and Carnahan, 1952.
~ pp. 165-66 ~

Carelessness

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

you are warned against meThis selection was found while looking for some tips on blisters and burns. Earlier today, after hiking along a river, my friends and I were peering over the edge of a dam when my nutty dog decided she’d like to see what was on the other side of the ledge. She went flying over the wall, and before I knew it she was dangling from her leash above the murky waters by the bank, about ten feet down. She dropped into the water seconds later, but luckily my friend was able to climb down to retrieve her as I held on. She was wet and uninjured. My fingers suffered a bit of leash burn, however. Ow ow ow.

I didn’t find anything in the books to help my particular injury, but did get a laugh out of the seriousness of the introduction to Everyday Safety, written by William A. Evans. With chapters on “Safety in the City,” “Safety in Rural Life,” and “Safety in Recreation,” this excerpt pretty much sets the tone of the book: have fun, kiddies ~ but too much fun is dangerous!

1952: Carelessness

Who Am I?

I am more powerful than the combined armies of the world.

I have destroyed more men than all the wars of the nations.

I am more deadly than bullets, and I have wrecked more homes than the mightiest of guns.

I steal in the United States alone over $500,000,000 each year.

I spare no one, and I find my victims among the rich and the poor alike, the young and the old, the strong and the weak, widows and orphans know me.

I loom up to such proportions that I cast my shadow over every field of labor, from the turning of every grindstone to the moving of every railroad train.

I massacre thousands upon thousands of wage earners in a year.

I lurk in unseen places, and do most of my work silently.

You are warned against me, but you heed not.

I am relentless.

I am everywhere ~ in the home, on the streets, in the factory, at railroad crossings, and on the sea.

I bring sickness, degredation and death, and yet few seek to avoid me.

I destroy, crush and maim; I give nothing but take all.

I am your worst enemy.

I am CARELESSNESS!!!

Source: Evans, William A. Everyday Safety. Chicago: Lyons and Carnahan, 1952.
~ p. vii ~


Who Do Men Turn To?

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

the questions which bubbleQ Dear Miss Abigail:

Why do all of your questions seem to be directed at the female perspective? Who do men who need answers turn to?

Signed,
Charles

A Dear Charles:

Yes, it does seem to be true that the majority of my questions are geared toward females. But many of the dating and love problems do cross gender lines.

Even so, it sometimes feels like I’m neglecting young men, so in recent years I’ve tried to beef up my collection of books for boys. Located so far: What a Young Boy Ought to Know, What Every Young Man Should Know and the ever popular Attaining Manhood. For parents of boys: Understanding Your Son’s Adolescence, So You Want to Raise a Boy? Even health and even beauty are covered, with such books as The Boys Book of Physical Fitness, and Looking Good: A Guide for Men. There are a few others scattered throughout the collection, but you get the point with this quick list.

The following introduction, which was written by Wilbert C. Davison for Frank Howard Robinson’s For Boys Only, sums up this pressing need for advice for our young men. You certainly can count on me to try harder from now on.

1952: For Boys Only: Introduction

The most difficult period of a boy’s life is that between elementary school and high school. While in elementary school he is told what to do and why; and by the time he becomes a high school senior he usually knows what he wants to do and why. But in that interval of adolescence during early high school while he is becoming an adult, he is bewildered not only by the physical changes he is undergoing but by the emotional behavior caused by these physical changes.

Dr. Richardson’s book supplies in a most interesting way the information he wants and needs. After a boy has read this book he knows why he does the things which often lead to trouble, why he tries to outdrive other motorists, why he imitates the love life of other men, and why he must attempt to convince himself and others that he is bigger, smarter and more courageous than he really knows himself to be.

Dr. Richardson doesn’t preach; but he answers the questions which bubble through every boy’s mind at this period, questions on sex and other problems which he often hesitates to ask, for usually there is no one to whom he can unburden himself without embarrassment and from whom he can obtain straight facts.

This book will fill an urgent need for the adolescent youth. But it will be of inestimable help as well to family doctors and pediatricians. For these men are becoming increasingly conscious that advice to youngsters of this group is not only necessary but also will go far toward reducing the behavior problems which are so frequent in this generation.

Source: Richardson, Frank Howard. For Boys Only: The Doctor Discuss the Mysteries of Manhood. New York: David McKay Company, Inc., 1952 (reprinted 1970).
~ pp. ix – x ~

Making Conversation

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

why not just relax?Q Dear Miss Abigail:

I’ve noticed lately that I have a problem talking about things when I get introduced. I never know the proper response, and end up saying something dumb that doesn’t make any sense. Could you give me some advice on making conversation?

Signed,
Michelle

A Dear Michelle:

You are not alone, my dear. Personally, I have an awful times with names. Sometimes I don’t even try to remember them ~ it’s no use! And I know someone who pretends to sneeze in the event of a lull in the conversation, and countless friends who prefer to stay huddled in the corner at a rockin’ party rather than mingle with strangers.

Never fear, Vera Bloom (aka “the Entertaining Lady”) has a bit of advice for us all.

1949: Conversation

When you stop to think of it, the really great talkers and great wits have been so rare that, in nearly three centuries of conversation both here and in England, there are few we remember besides Dr. Johnson, Sidney Smith, Oscar Wilde, Whistler, Oliver Herford, Shaw, Alexander Woollcott, and Dorothy Parker. Why not just relax, and console ourselves with the though that wit is a very dangerous possession after all, especially for a woman. For in either talk or letters, wit and tact rarely go together, and the woman who lets her tongue rule her heart can hardly be surprised when she makes enemies right and left. No one likes to be a target ~ except for Cupid’s darts! So be gay and entertaining if you can; be witty if you must.

Of course there are as many kinds of conversation as there are kinds of people and kinds of situations they find themselves in. All of us grope for things to talk about in casual contacts ~ it’s only with tried and true friends, or in the friendly relaxation of good shop talk, that people can really lose themselves in their enthusiasms.

But in any situation simplicity, being yourself, and really hearing the person you’re talking to, instead of wasting your energy worrying about what impression you’re making, will do more toward making you a good conversationalist than all the high-pressure charm hints that have ever been given.

The good conversationalist is always a constructive listener. She is altruistic enough to be willing and able to make the other person feel more important than herself, which means that she is willing and able to fish around among a stranger’s or an acquaintance’s interests until she gets an enthusiastic nibble on her conversational bait.

Source: Bloom, Vera. The Entertaining Lady: An Informal Guide to Good Living. New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 1949.
~ pp. 192-93 ~

When and How to Tell Jokes

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

don't giggle all the way throughThat Estelle Hunter. She sure is a crack-up in her Personality Development, Unit Three: Voice and Expression. I mean, that salesman joke ~ hilarious!

1939: When and How to Tell Jokes

It is not unusual for a group to spend an hour or more in exchanging jokes or stories, but such conversation soon becomes wearisome and ceases to please. Don’t add your story unless it is better than any that have been told and you are sure that too many have not already been related. Remember that any story should be told only if it is interesting, if it is relevant, if it is in good taste, and if it has a good point.

Don’t laugh at your own joke, at least until everyone else has shown that he liked it. Don’t giggle all the way through a story or laugh before you come to the point. Don’t lose the point of the story as did a young woman who said to her brother:

“You’re a salesman so you’ll like this story. A salesman came into his office at night and someone asked him how he felt. He said ‘Pretty independent; I didn’t sell anyone anything today.’”"You mean,” replied her brother, “that he said, ‘I didn’t take orders from anyone today.’”

When you have told a story successfully, don’t tempt Fate by telling another immediately. Turn the spotlight of attention on someone else by saying, for example, “John, what was the story about your guide in Italy last year? That was even more amusing than my experience.”

If John doesn’t tell his story exactly as you think he should, don’t correct him or attempt to add details. It is his story. Courtesy demands that you let him tell it as he will.

Source: Hunter, Estelle B. Personality Development, Unit Three: Voice and Expression. Chicago: The Better-Speech Institute of America, 1939.
~ pp. 82-83 ~

Building a Fire

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

collect the woodI admit it. I’m a camping snob. Thanks to trips as a youngster to a favorite spot by a pond near the Finger Lakes in New York State, I prefer real camping: the Grotke family tent, the roaring fire, wading in the creek, peeing against the trees. Alas, many urbanites are a bit fearful of the idea of so much closeness with nature. So while those friends who stay home contemplate what restaurant to visit this weekend, the brave ones among us will forage for wood in order to cook a feast over the campfire. Here are some tips I picked up from Beatrice Pierce’s book The Young Hostess for just such an activity. Pass the s’mores! I’m hungry!

1938: Building a Fire

Cooking out of doors is an art, but everyone enjoys the experience. It is important, of course, to know how to build a fire. There are different methods, but the principles are much the same. The thing to learn first is that you cannot cook over a roaring blaze. You must wait until the fire burns down and you have a nice bed of hot coals. It is best to use stones to confine your fire; and you should select a place that is sheltered from the wind. Preparations for an outdoor meal take a rather long time, so start early. The first job is to collect the wood, unless you have brought it from home. Where wood is scarce, charcoal bought from your grocer is an excellent substitute, clean, compact, and safe. Next, start your water boiling, if you need hot water for anything. A kettle set on a grid is one way. Another, in case you have no grid, is to cut a stick about two feet long, a fairly heavy one with a crotch at one end. Leave about two inches on each fork of the crotch. Sharpen the other end. Push it into the ground. Cut a four- to five-foot green pole; it must be green or it will catch fire. Cut a notch in one end. Rest this pole over the forked stick, the notched end over the fire, the other end resting on the ground. Hang a bucket or kettle on the notch, keep the fire going, and soon your water will be boiling merrily.

Source: Pierce, Beatrice. The Young Hostess. New York: Farrar & Rinehart, 1938.
~ pp. 180-81 ~

Gardening

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

realizing the lovely bloomsPink geraniums, orange marigolds, sonata mix cosmos, sunscape daisy nasinga white, snow crystals alyssium, brachycomb, a tomato plant, and some herbs. They should be outside enjoying the spring, but tonight they sit in my living room waiting for the season’s last frost to pass us by. I’m certainly an amateur gardener, only filling a few boxes and pots on my brick patio out front, but still, it makes me happy, and that’s what it’s all about, right? I think that Adelaide Laura Van Duzer, one of the authors of home economics textbookEveryday Living for Girls would agree.

1936: Gardening

Pleasure in gardening is age-old and universal. Many find emotional satisfaction in the beauty of growing flowers. Persons who work at high tension find relaxation in digging in the soil, planting, caring for, and realizing the lovely blooms.

Gardening is such a natural, sane outlet for creative self-expression that it is often a means to mental health and contentment. Many a woman in ugly surroundings ~ on a grim, lonely farm or in a smoke-grimed cottage above a steel mill ~ has satisfied her beauty-hungry heart with the rich colors of flowers.

To the beholder, too, flower gardens are a delight. But the grower, the one who creates, gets the most joy from his own and from others’ gardens ~ an enjoyment analogous to that of the musician in his own or another artist’s playing.

Source: Van Duzer, Adelaide Laura, et. al. Everyday Living for Girls. Chicago: J. B. Lippincott Company, 1936.
~ p. 477 ~

Worry-Monger Identifier

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

irritable, fretful, and fussyA little worry is not harmful, as author David Seabury reminds us in the preface to How to Worry Successfully: “It is only when apprehension is ruled by nervous anxiety, and imagination distorted by fear, that worry injures us.” And that’s why I’m worried ~ it sure seems like people are just freaking out these days. Here’s a little reminder to help identify the unhealthy worriers out there.

1936: Worry-Monger Identifier

Never accept advice from one who:

  1. Always sees the gloomy side of things.
  2. Is a gossip, a critic, or a chiseler.
  3. Is timid, dependent, or parasitical.
  4. Is indolent or self-indulgent.
  5. Is arrogant, fanatical, or obstinate.
  6. Is complaining and full of self-pity.
  7. Is one who becomes conveniently sick.
  8. Is reckless or irresponsible.
  9. Is censorious and eager to point out sin in others.
  10. Is irritable, fretful, and fussy.
  11. Is angry, envious, or jealous.
  12. Is hypersensitive and painfully good.
  13. Is always anxious to give his opinions.
  14. Is conventionally platitudinous and sentimental.
  15. Shows any inclination to revenge.

Source: Seabury, David. How to Worry Successfully. New York: Blue Ribbon Books, Inc., 1936.
~ pp. 182-83 ~