Who is Miss Abigail?

Abigail Grotke
Silver Spring, MD
email: missabigail at missabigail dot com
twitter: @DearMissAbigail

Find me on…

Get the feed

About

Miss Abigail has a collection of over 1,000 classic advice books, spanning from 1822 to 1978 and covering a variety of topics, from love and romance to etiquette and charm. The collection sparked the idea for this site, then a book, Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating, and Marriage, which has inspired an Off-Broadway production of the same name!

Archives

Posts Tagged ‘group dates’

Could You Ask Me Out, Already?

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

you're in control of the situationQ Dear Miss Abigail:

Okay, I like this guy. And we flirt a lot and all that. I know he likes me, and I know he knows I like him. But he will not ask me out! I just don’t understand. And I’m way to chicken to ask him out myself. I want him to ask me out. Please, tell me what to do.

Signed,
Catherine

A Dear Catherine:

Personally, I think you should just go for it and ask this boy out. But knowing how difficult that can be for girls, I dug up some advice fromHow to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What to Do With Him When You Get Him, written by Ellen Peck in 1969. Hopefully it will give you a few ideas. Now go forth, and perch on that beach chair of his with confidence!

1969: Turning Group Dates Into Single Dates

How do you turn group dates into single dates? Usually, happily enough, absolutely no effort from you is needed. If the guy lags, though, the spur you use is this: let him know you want him to ask you out.

Talk to him after a film. (Also hold out your popcorn box toward him at intermission.) Perch onhis beach chair when you’re swimming. Talk to him before English class on Tuesdays. Ask him what science-fiction book to get your uncle for his birthday. Soon he’ll be asking you out.

Let’s take it from there.

Something to keep in mind is this. A boy who asks you out is not in love with you. He does not dream about you at night. He is only mildly fascinated by you, if at all. He has asked you outbecause he thinks you will say ‘yes.’ He considers you a reachable dating target.

A lot of boys, especially in the early teen years, won’t ask out the girl they most want to. Where the attraction is greatest, so is the anxiety they feel. And anxiety often wins, and they ask out somebody else.

I’m not saying that a boy who asks you out doesn’t like you. He may think you’re the sharpest girl he knows. He may be wildly attracted to you. But ~ he may not be. So don’t react romantically. It’s such a common mistake. And it’s such a mistake! The only thing you can assume about a boy who asks you out is that he thinks you’ll accept. (And he thinks you’ll accept, of course, because you’ve deliberately given him that idea.) So, you’re in control of the situation. The boy has behaved according to plan. Just don’t lose control of the situation by thinking in over-romantic terms.

Source: Peck, Ellen. How to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What To Do With Him When You Get Him. New York: Bernard Geis Associates, 1969.
~ p. 241 ~