Q Dear Miss Abigail:
If a guy flirts with you does that mean he’s interested?
A Dear Cathy:
Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. My dear, sweet Cathy. Of course he likes you! Flirting is the tool of choice for letting someone know you are interested in them. Some people are better than others at using that tool, but that’s another story. To get a better sense of the power of flirtation, let’s read a bit from Maurice Chideckel’s informative bookThe Single, The Engaged, and The Married.
Courtship is the fantasy, the dreaming period of life. It is the Song of Songs of youth. Turbulent, stormy, enveloped in anxieties at times, it is nevertheless a road strewn with flowers. It is the period of planning, building, hoping and expecting. In courtship there is the expectation for the greatest of all human experiences, marriage. It is the period of exploration of souls. In those months is laid the foundation for soul mating, for future contentment, security and trust.
In courtship there is the poetry of cooperative spirit. Only during that period does attachment develop to a degree that forges a common, unbroken bond. Man and woman learn to know each other mentally. The physical attraction that drew them together matures into mental harmony and mental companionship. The very tension for discovery makes courtship man’s hopeful days. Marriage is looked forward to as the event of the greatest magnitude, which in reality it is. A great deal of the period of courtship is spent in emotional fantasy. The lovers become conscious of the approach of reality. Courtship is a yielding to natural inclinations and awareness of the other’s ability to supply what is needed for contentment. They become convinced that their union is essential to their happiness.
‘Courtship,’ says Professor Morgan, ‘is the strong and steady bending of the bow that the arrow may find its mark in a biological end of the highest importance, so that there be a survival of a healthy and vigorous race.’
Coquetry (flirtation) is a natural preliminary to normal courtship. It has a deep biological and psychological significance. It is instinctive in the female. Unconsciously it is practiced to be aroused and stimulated by her lover. It is a playful expression in the beginning of love. ‘But,’ says Herbert, ‘if this flirtation becomes an end in itself, it is a perversion on true love.’ Abnormal psychology calls it ‘filtrage’ and it is a phenomenon of degeneration. A short courtship means a brief period of experience. Facts, the temper of each, the depths of personalities, the likes and dislikes, the mental attitude, all these cannot be observed and analyzed in a few days.
Source: Chideckel, Maurice. The Single, The Engaged, and The Married. New York: Eugenics Publishing Company, 1936.
~ pp. 69-70 ~