Q Dear Miss Abigail:
I have an obsession with my breasts and I finally am dating someone that thoroughly enjoys them, and I mean thoroughly. The problem is that he starts getting wild, in public. It gets extrememly embarrassing. He puts his hand up my shirt all the time and laughs and squeaks very loud. I won’t even mention all the times that we have had sex in public (gladly I think no one really saw or heard us).
A Dear Lucy:
We won’t even touch the public sex issue. Instead, I will try to help you with the more immediate problem of his “hands-on” public display of affection. Although she doesn’t specifically mention public situations, lets hope that Goddess of Teen-Age Advice Evelyn Millis Duvall can assist us with sorting out your dilemma.
1967: Playing with Fire
In almost any dating situation, whether or not exploitation is the intent, there is the possible danger that necking and petting will get out of hand. When a boy and girl are alone together they must assume responsibility for keeping their love-making under control if they are to avoid going all the way. They must realize that sex is a mighty and insistent urge and that they should not provoke its power.
Just where to stop, and how, must be learned by any boy or girl old enough to date. Some expressions of affection are normal and desirable. But love-making must be carefully limited or, before they know it, they will have gone further than they intended.
Just when to stop differs among couples and individuals. In general, it’s just before the boy begins to be insistent and urgent in his caresses. Up to that point a couple are enjoying their closeness; then suddenly the boy begins to perspire, his heart quickens its beat, his breathing becomes more rapid, and his fondling gets rougher and more intimate. At that time, the responsible girl must push him away, reassuring him that she’s not rejecting him as a person but that she’s uncomfortable in his urgency.
Or the boy, recognizing that what started as an expression of fondness now has become heightened sexual stimulation, can break the spell of the moment by rising to his feet, getting them both a drink of water, and suggesting a less intimate activity.
Each person has a built-in gauge of just how far he should go. If a girl looks back over her date with feelings of guilt, she has gone beyond what she herself considers right. When a boy avoids a girl with whom he has been making love, it means he has overstepped his sense of propriety.
Source: Duvall, Evelyn Millis. The Art of Dating. New York: Association Press, 1967.
~ pp. 210-11 ~