Bust Worries

an inconsequential element in the total mosaic of traitsQ Dear Miss Abigail:

I have such small boobs they are hardly boobs! The thing is they are only starting to grow now and I just turned twelve years old and some of my grade six friends have bigger breasts than me and my close friend Mel has big boobs and we always have sleepovers and talk about boobs and do things with our bras but I only have a training bra. How long will it take them to get kinda full since they are really hurting right now? Thanx!


A Dear Jeanelle:

I hate to alarm you, but you’ve got plenty of years ahead of you to worry about the size and shape of your breasts. I can’t give you a specific time frame, though. Sorry. Perhaps you’ll be comforted to read the following from¬†How to “Cash-In” On Your Worries, by George W. Crane. Now, could you explain what “things” you and Mel do with your bras on your sleepovers? Just curious.

1956: Don’t Worship Your Anatomy

‘Oh Dr. Crane, I am so mortified because I have such large breasts,’ other girls will tearfully exclaim. ‘Would it be safe for me to have a plastic surgeon remove part of my breasts?’

Yes, it is safe enough, but usually not warranted. Small breasts and full breasts are really an inconsequential element in the total mosaic of traits that comprise a charming personality. The chief trouble with girls who grow upset over a single physical feature, is their lack of proper perspective. They are like that Florida girl with the crossed eye whom I mentioned earlier. They are idolatrous, worshiping a narrow segment of their own anatomy.

Many girls with perfect anatomical busts are a perfect ‘bust’ on a date, so get wise to reality. Other girls with flat chests or very pendulous busts are popularity personified, with proposals of marriage by the dozen, and that is literally true!

If you repose such credulous belief in the magic of a normal bust, then you are almost sure to be disappointed, even if you resorted to plastic surgery. For that very yen to have the surgeon makes you popular, indicates you fail to see clearly what constitutes charming femininity.

A girl can be charming and popular though she has a leg removed or a breast amputated. Freckles and a pug nose and skinny legs or thick ankles and big hips, don’t exert more than a minor influence on your total rating as ‘date bait.’

A cheery smile and a ready compliment for your male companion can get you an engagement ring much faster than the most publicized Hollywood bust. If you still disbelieve me, just visit the Marriage License window at your county court house and watch the applicants thereat. There probably isn’t one Hollywood type of female among them per 1,000. Count ’em for yourself and see!

Source: Crane, George W.¬†How to “Cash-In” On Your Worries. Chicago: Hopkins Syndicate, 1956.
~ pp. 146-47 ~