Everyone’s Afraid of Being Turned Down

a fellow wants a straighforward yes or noQ Dear Miss Abigail:

There is this girl that I know ~ she is very popular, but I am not. We are really good friends and I like her very much. I am afraid of being turned down and I need some advice on how to ask her out. How do I do it?


A Dear Chris:

You might be comforted to know that I have received quite a few messages recently from other young men having similar difficulties. Although I have covered this topic before, I feel it is important enough to bring you another excerpt to help all you lovelorn boys out there. So Chris (and Matt, and Desmond, and everyone else), read on and learn.

1956: Asking ~ And the Answer

Dates, of course, require “asking” and an “accepting.” It sounds simple, but sometimes it may be rather difficult and awkward. A few easily remembered guides will make the asking more pleasant and natural.

Asking for a date is simpler if the boy realizes he is just giving an invitation, and all invitations should be cordial and definite. So a boy should smile and act in a friendly manner when he asks for a date. He should also be exact and to the point. The girl will like it when her would-be date says, “The Christian film, ‘A Greater Challenge’ is to be shown at the Richmond Avenue Church Friday night. Would you like to go?” Such an invitation tells the girl “When” and “Where.” It helps her to decide whether she can accept the date.

Boys should avoid the question approach, such as “What are you doing Saturday afternoon?” Maybe the girl isn’t doing anything, but she hesitates to say so until she knows what the boy has in mind.

The boy should also be careful to let the girl know where they are to go on the date. It’s no fun for either if he arrives in sports clothes with a weiner bake in mind, and finds his date dressed in her Sunday best.

If the girl accepts the date the boy should let her know that he is pleased. Some response like, “Good, I’m glad you can go,” is fine.

If the girl refuses the date, it’s still the boy’s responsibility to be pleasant. Maybe she really wants to go with him, but for some reason she can’t explain why it’s impossible. The boy can keep the feeling of friendliness between himself and the girl if he tells her, “I’m sorry, but I’ll look forward to seeing you some other time.”

Accepting or refusing a date should be done with directness. Some girls have been told that “playing hard to get” is a sure way to make boys like them. So a girl who believes such advice, hesitates and acts reluctant to give the boy a prompt answer to his invitation. Most fellows much prefer a straightforward “yes” or “no.” Boy and girl relationships grow more smoothly if things are on an honest, easily understood basis.

A girl should remember that when a boy asks her for a date it is a compliment as well as an invitation. The compliment should be appreciated and the invitation requires a clear cut answer. Sometimes the girl knows at the time she’s asked that she wants to accept the invitation. Then a “Thank you, I’d like very much to go!” is in order.

But many times the girl needs to check with her parents, or find out if she is involved in some other activity. Most any boy is willing to wait a day for an answer if the girl is honest with him.

Sometimes the girl can’t accept the invitation, or for some other reason doesn’t want to say “yes.” And of course, it is her privilege to refuse the date. However, it is her responsibility to refuse with a “Thank you” and a smile. After all, his next invitation may be the one she’ll want to accept.

These dating manners are important, for they are quickly mastered ways in which one can rate highly with friends.

Source: Narramore, Clyde M. Life and Love: A Christian View of Sex. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1956.
~ pp. 33-35 ~