How Do I Get Him to Ask Me Out?

I'm available. Advance.Q Dear Miss Abigail:

I like a man who acts very aloof and distant. However, I know he likes me as well. I’ve tried giving hints to show my feelings. He seems to respond with mutual flirting but nothing ever comes of it. What do you suggest I do to get him to ask me out?


A Dear Elizabeth:

You sound a bit older than the average teen, but I think this advice from Ellen Peck’s book How to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What to Do When You Get Him could work for all ages. Ms. Peck’s motto: girls should stop waiting to be asked out, and to take action themselves. So go out there and get him, Elizabeth! (Even if it involves some manipulation and mind games.)

1969: How to Date a Teen-Age Boy

You should make the first move with a boy. You should take the initiative in showing interest. You should arrange conversations. In, short, as we pointed out in Chapter 3, you should be a bit aggressive. But all this aggressiveness is still basically feminine. All you’re getting across to the boy is, ‘Here I am. I’m a girl. I like you. Why not ask me out?’ You are saying, in effect, ‘I’m available. Advance.’

But you must stop short of actually suggesting that the two of you go out together. When you do this, you are no longer being really feminine. You are crossing the line into male territory. It is still the prerogative of the male to ask for dates. Once you’ve taken over this prerogative, he will not assume it. You’ve, in effect, switched roles. The boy will ask out some other girl who hasn’t been quite so aggressive!

What if Irene is having a party and she says ‘Invite one of the guys.’ Do this. Get him to ask you out. There are three ways.

One. ‘Barb, do you think Greg would like to take me to Irene’s? Would you tell him ~ I’d like it if he suggested it?’ This will work if you choose the right girl to act as liaison, but it has to be a girl who knows Greg pretty well.

Two. Do you know one of the guys who has already been asked by a girl? Do you know himwell? Tell him you’d like to go with Greg and he’ll set it up. (In fact, you’ll end up double-dating.) P.S. It is a good idea to clear this with the other girl involved.

Three. Arrange it so that your date with Greg is just kind of ‘understood,’ but without your ever asking him. First, get word to him that you’d like to go with him. Affirmative response from Greg? Fine. Next step. When the crowd’s sitting around at lunch, Barb can look at the two of you and say ‘You two are going to Irene’s Saturday, aren’t you? (THEN BARB IMMEDIATELY ADDS SOME OTHER COMMENT!) . . . What are you going to wear?’

Or, ‘You two are going to Irene’s Saturday, aren’t you? What time are you going? Do you think we should go somewhere afterwards?’ Et cetera.

I’m sure you get the idea. Some see-sawing or even a bit of confusion may result. But it’s better than the formality of you-actually-asking Greg.

Source: Peck, Ellen. How to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What To Do With Him When You Get Him. New York: Bernard Geis Associates, 1969.
~ pp. 239-40 ~